The Secret to Happiness: In Celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day

I must confess I’m a little weary of the economy and the effect it seems to have on the business mindset. We have to do more with less nowadays, people are on edge, and we have a little less patience because timelines are tighter than ever.
As I sit here writing this post on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, however, I remember that mindsets can be changed. We may not be able to control the economy or our deadlines, but we can alter our response.
Over and over I have seen global teams suffer because of their “shoulds.” I have mentioned these little “should” gremlins in past writings, but what better day to revisit them than today.
To celebrate and honor Dr. King, I would like to share my secret to happiness: Choose peace over “shoulds.”
What exactly does this mean?
This quote from Michael J. Fox sums up my secret best: “My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.”
I have seen this expression come true over and over in the world of global business. Let me give you some examples.

1. You are working on a global team with members from India, China, Germany, and the USA. You have reviewed a crucial document and passed it on to your teammates. Two of them have not responded and the deadline is less than two days away. You can say they should have gotten the document to you sooner, but the reality is they did not. If you choose peace over “should” you will have a different platform from which to respond. Call your teammates and ask for an update on the document. Let them know how important its completion is to you. Offer to help them complete their portion. Assume positive intent; after all, you don’t know what they are facing in their world. Approach getting the document completed from a place of motivation rather than fear and watch how people react.
2. A Korean team member is part of a company with offices in Bangalore, London, and Seoul, and which is headquartered in San Francisco. This person has been feeling frustrated for the last few months. In his perception the headquarters makes all of the decisions and the Korean office is just there to take orders. He doesn’t feel like a part of the team and believes the headquarters should be including the Seoul office in more of the decision making. If he chooses peace over “should” he might first take into account the challenges that the headquarters faces. He might have compassion for the delicate balancing that the headquarters office must do to keep the company running but also be inclusive. He could then come up with a list of small and specific suggestions or requests that would facilitate more collaboration between the two offices. Or he could accept that most decisions are going to come out of headquarters and focus on what he himself can influence in the Seoul office.
3. A person works for a plastics company and feels like she should have gotten a promotion this year. Well, she didn’t. She feels bad about herself and also blames the management for ignoring her skills and contributions. If she chooses peace over “should” then she might give herself credit for even trying for the promotion. Then she might schedule a meeting with her boss where she seeks feedback and suggestions for the future, approaching that meeting with openness and without defense. She might also recognize that her self-worth will remain intact regardless of her achievements.

Dr. King taught us more than we can measure, but one message that I have gone back to again and again is you cannot meet force with force and expect change.
On this day and forward try jumping into the flow of your business and your life. Try choosing peace over “shoulds” and see how things naturally work themselves out. You may not be able to change the circumstances around you, but you can conserve energy for creative thinking by ditching the “shoulds.” Instead, why not work with what is!
Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day to all…