As an executive coach, I’ve worked with leaders at all levels over the past
twenty years. One recurring theme is a struggle with the word “I.”
Used too often, it can sound egotistical. Used too little, it can create confusion or lack of direction. It’s not a hero or a villain, just a word that needs to be used in the right place at the right time.
Contrary to popular belief, leadership doesn’t come in one form. Some leaders are bold and directive. Others carry a quieter, more collaborative presence. We need all of them. But today, I want to speak to leaders who avoid “I” for fear of sounding too hierarchical.
Collaborative leaders bring incredible strengths: trust-building, consensus, buy-in, and deep listening. But the shadow side is real. Sometimes, your organization needs to hear clearly where you stand, what you think, and what comes next.
The good news? You don’t have to choose between collaboration and clarity. You can do both. You need to do both. It’s all about timing.
At times, you need to step back, listen, and be willing to evolve or adapt your views. But in moments like this, when uncertainty is high, your team may need you to step forward with a clear vision.
If directness feels unnatural, try being just ten percent more direct in the moments that matter. That small step can build confidence and trust.
And remember, clarity isn’t always about being forceful. Sometimes, all your people really need is to hear one simple word: “I.”
Phrases like “I believe,” “from where I stand,” or “from my perspective” can help you express strong opinions without sacrificing your collaborative nature. In my experience, people respond well to this technique because it provides clarity without positioning your view as the only truth.
So go ahead and use the word “I.” It’s just another tool in the toolbox of leadership communication. And in today’s world, we need as many tools as possible.
