This year, as you have likely seen in previous posts, has not been my favorite of years. We faced the death of a dear loved one and a host of other challenges causing my husband and I to wonder when we would see the proverbial sun. By the time the holidays came we were in great need of a vacation and some time to reflect on our losses and our gratitude as well.
We decided to head up to Colorado with our family for a white Christmas (and Hannukah); this proved to be one of the best decisions of 2009. From the moment we arrived my eyes were graced with storybook scenes of the Rocky Mountains, windswept evergreens, snow-capped peaks, and elk wandering through my sister-in-law’s backyard. The snow that fell created rolling waves of marshmallow creme dreaminess as everyone busied themselves cooking and wrapping gifts.
My first morning in Golden, Colorado I awoke to light snow and cold, dry air. The sun made the snow on the ground sparkle like diamonds and I walked outside to find a family of elk at the top of a hill. I tried to follow them for awhile until they got uncomfortable with my presence and trotted away. I breathed deeply and let the vistas and crisp atmosphere restore me. Christmas Day was a flurry of laughter and wrapping paper, love, and lucky pennies from my niece. We had a seventeen-foot Christmas tree with lights to the top and children circling excitedly until the time came to open their gifts. Within this magic was loss and memories of the one we missed. I tried to reconcile the space between the two and be as comfortable as I could with the ambiguity.
Our next stop was Silverthorne, Colorado, a ski town with panoramic mountain views and an elevation of 8700 feet. This was where I fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams – to ice skate on a frozen lake or pond amidst the mountains. I have ice skated since childhood, but always in big cities and inside man-made rinks. I had an image in my mind of gliding along on a natural surface, the sun on my back and the wind in my hair. Sometimes when you do something you’ve dreamed of for a long time, the reality does not measure up. The experience I had today defied that tendency – it was more than I imagined it could be!
We drove to Keystone Lake, rented our skates, and stepped out onto one of the most stunning scenes I have ever laid eyes on. Under a blue sky and half-moon, surrounded by snow and mountains, we skated on five acres of ice for two glorious hours. I opened my arms and let myself be completely captivated by the moment, feeling alive and exhilarated. I made mental pictures of every frame and held hands with my husband. We skated over clear parts of the lake and saw bubbles frozen under the surface. I felt like I was flying.
Here is what I take away from this experience: Loss and grief can weigh heavy on our hearts and make time stand still, leaving us feeling stuck, as if things will never change. Within this space, however, are moments and opportunities to know that you are still living to the fullest in spite of appearances. These glimpses help us to remember that feeling, and to look forward to the next dream we can bring to life. What dream will you fulfill next?
